Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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