so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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