Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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