I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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