Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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