i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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