and she was petting her beer can
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
