i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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