dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
