Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
