those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
