when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
