His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
