I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
