Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize