If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
