I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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