my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
