it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
