you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
