he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
