Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
