You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
