Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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