dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
