**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
