I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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