I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
