Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
