I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
