I didn't shave. On purpose
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
