Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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