Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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