I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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