Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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