Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
