I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
