its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
