Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
