I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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