i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize