Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
