What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
