wakey wakey hands off snakey
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
