i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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