your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
