i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
