meet me or not, i'm out of control
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
