Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
