So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
