She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
