She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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