theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
honey bunches of taint.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
