We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
