i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
