JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
