I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
