took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just tell him i said nine months
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
