Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
