All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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