I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
