You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
