We're like a lot better than the average bears
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
