Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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