I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
