i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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