I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
