Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
