Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
