I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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