We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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