I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
