He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize