I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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