I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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