There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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