OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
