I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
