Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
