after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
