k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
