Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
