you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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