New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
