I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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