so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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