I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
