I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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